On their spring, road trip home

from Arizona to the shores of

Lake Michigan, the couple

observed at the motel’s ad-

vertised free breakfast a lot

of really fat, old people who

sneezed a lot into their hands

instead of their elbows and

stayed at the same motels the

couple did because the couple

had a big Chocolate Lab and

most of the old, really fat

people had very small, really

high-pitched barking dogs, so

they all stayed at the same pet

friendly motels along the way

from the West to the East. Some

of the people picked up their

dog’s shit. Others didn’t be-

cause the little dogs’ little turds

were strewn along the way out-

side the motel right under the

sign about picking up one’s

animal waste. So it was pretty

obvious, some of the old, fat

people probably had a hard

time bending over to pick up

the turds. The couple drove

through a lot of really horrible

terrain, the first part of the trip

being reservations where horr-

ible houses with a lot of junk

sat in places where the dust

blew into nostrils like heroin

in order to keep the people

passive. Silently, they drove

through the deadly CO2

emissions and sat silent

at sixty miles per hour

while vehicles with a zero

rating for particle pollution

roared past.