Good evening.

Ebola is going to kill you.

Lyme Disease is going to kill you.

West Nile Disease is going to kill you.

Issis is going to kill you.

Issil is going to kill you.

Islamist State is going to kill you.

Muslim extremists are going to kill you.

Blacks in the inner city are going to kill you.

An asteroid is going to kill you.

Marauding gangs in Haiti indiscriminately wielding

machetes are going to kill you.

Mexican drug gangs are going to kill you.

The economy is going to kill you.

The national debt is going to kill you.

The deficit is going to kill you.

The Affordable Care Act is going to kill you.

Obamacare is going to kill you.

Strenuous exercise is going to kill you.

A sedentary life style is going to kill you.

Illegal aliens crashing the border are going to kill you.

Unemployment is going to kill you.

Cholesterol is going to kill you.

Saturated fat is going to kill you.

Carbohydrates are going to kill you.

Genetically modified food is going to kill you.

Fast food is going to kill you.

Sugar is going to kill you.

Sugar substitutes are going to kill you.

Corn syrup is going to kill you.

Salt is going to kill you.

Salt substitutes are going to kill you.

Global warming is going to kill you.

Record cold temperatures this winter are going to kill you.

All kinds of Polar Vortexes are going to kill you.

Any and all Administration policies are going to kill you.

Public education is going to kill you.

Freddy Krueger is going to kill you.

Jason is going to kill you.

You Name It is going to kill you.

Fill in the blank______is going to kill you.

Abandon all hope, you who watch the news

but stay tuned for new and even scarier things

that are going to kill you.

YOU ARE GOING TO DIE.

Have a great weekend and good night.