A couple incurred some damage to

their home and called the

insurance company they had

been paying without a claim since

Adam gave up a rib and the com-

pany sent a cordial letter informing

the couple that everything would

be covered except that which

is due to “wear, tear, marring,

scratching, deterioration, in-

herent vice (what?), latent defect,

mechanical damage, corrosion,

electrolysis or rust, defect, weakness,

inadequacy, fault or unsoundness in

materials used in construction or

repair or maintenance and anything

that may be considered an Act of

God which pretty much means every-

thing including a $1000 deductible

and because we value you as a policy-

holder and appreciate your business,

we want to ensure you understand the

coverage decision which in the Queen’s

English means, ‘You have just been screwed,

Sucka.’ Sincerely, The Simon Legree

Insurance Company of America (located

in the beautiful Cayman Islands to

help guarantee and maintain reasonable

premiums for our valued policy holders),

p.s. Because of this claim, your premium

will automatically skyrocket out of the

stratosphere.”