You asked me to appear
before you and I am here
to ask you to quietly disappear.
Were you elected president?
Yes, I believe you were,
though illegitimately inferred
and as it is, I would concur,
but that is beside the point.
You pose a clear
and present danger
to this country and a world
in increasing fear,
so, as I am only an arm-chair
psychologist, still, I have to conclude
you are a malevolent narcissist
of huge magnitude,
so, please Mr. President, I am here
to offer you a television contract —
an immense financial figure,
so you can replace your arch-enemy
Arnold Schwarzenegger.
You don’t know anything about
anything really important,
but you do know your heart’s desire
and that is to look across the table
and say, “You’re fired.”
So, take the deal
and accept this modest appeal
and, if you wish, perhaps some day
we may both appear, together even,
on “Let’s Make a Deal.”