She walked a beautiful dog through
the campground. We said the dog
was beautiful. She came over to our

site to tell us the dog’s story and
I made the mistake of mentioning that
I am a retired minister. We were

planning on kayaking on the glisten-
ing, beckoning lake next to the camp-
ground. After the first hour of relig-

ious tales to knock our socks off
(She actually said that.), we knew
we were in it for the long haul. After

the second hour of incredible stories
of how she fell in love with her hus-
band, who was conspicuously absent,

I needed to relieve myself but felt
awkward excusing myself in the midst
of her “knock your socks off” life

story, so I just crossed my legs and
gritted my teeth. During the third
hour I entered the realm of the gods

suffering two eternal punishments
at once as an eagle picked at my
liver while I pushed a boulder up

a mountain only to have it roll
back smacking me in the head. I
was left with a shredded liver,

a bump on the head and a bulging
bladder. We all smiled, hugged
and as she left, I turned to

my wife and said, “Forget the
kayaking. Bump on the head and
shredded liver or not, I need a

stiff drink, but first a pee,”
as I made a mad dash to the
bathhouse.

*Thanks to Jim Berbiglia for the title.