Do Not Pass Go Part II

Do Not Pass Go  Part II

Several years ago there was a man in town with

my name.

Mr. Same Name was the director of a very good nursing home system.

We would get calls for the other name.

He would get late night calls for my son who was a student at a local college.

They were from co-eds, many many calls from many many co-eds.

He listened patiently and then with the soft, soothing voice you would expect from the director of a nursing home system, he would say that

they were looking for the residence of the Rev. Dr. Same Name.

I would get calls for Mr. Same Name from anxious adult children of elderly parents wondering if there was room, anywhere, immediately, as in NOW, for dad.

“We can’t take it anymore.  He’s driving us NUTS. Pull-ease,” they pleaded.

I would muster the most soothing, nursing home director’s voice I could, maybe just shy of a funeral director’s and say,

“Of course we will help you with your dearly beloved dad.

Might I suggest one more thing?  We never know when that day or that inevitable day for all of us will come (remorseful sobbing on the other end of the line),

but may I suggest, only if you do not already have benefit of clergy, the name of a really wonderful minister who happens to have the same name as mine as someone who could and would do a really meaningful funeral for your dear dad,

at a very reasonable price, I might add?”

“Do not pass go, Rev. Dr. Same Name.  Do not collect those two hundred dollars. Go directly to purgatory, when your inevitable day comes.”  The voice had a deep, soothing tone not unlike the director of a respected nursing home system or perhaps a funeral director.

It was a bit more sonorous and stentorian and the Rev. Dr. Same Name wasn’t sure just where it was coming from.

How would he know that voice?  It had been awhile since he had prayed.

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