Remedies

Feeling off-kilter, bizarre, bizarro, cranky, crazy, curious, eccentric, erratic, far-out, funky, funny, kinky, kooky (also kookie), offbeat, out-of-kilter, off-the-wall, outlandish, out-of-the-way, outré, peculiar, quaint, quirky, rum [chiefly British], screwy, spaced-out, strange, wacky (also whacky), way-out, weird, weirdo, wild

and

out-of-sorts, below par, out-of-humor, under-the-weather, unwell

and

beside-one’s-self, intense emotional feeling, anger, joy, overwhelming, crazy, extreme, distracted?

Then you, too, may be suffering from Trumpitis, defined as extreme exposure to anything Trump — the remedy for which is one or more of the following:

Moving to Canada,
Becoming a Buddhist monk,
Removing all electronic devices from your home,
Taking a Sandals luxury vacation and billing The Donald,
Running a marathon every day for the rest of your life,
Reading nothing but Hardy Boy and Nancy Drew Mysteries,
Dreaming all day of Carol from the old American Bandstand show,
Dreaming all day of Annette Funicello,
Dreaming all day of Frankie Avalon,
Dreaming all day of Bobby from the Lawrence Welk show,
Wearing a Mouseketeer cap, dancing around your living room thinking you are Bobby,
Visiting all the microbreweries in America and drinking every variety of IPA made,
Taking a round-the-world bicycle trip actually riding your bike on the water,
Turning in your Eagle badge,
Becoming a snake handler in West Virginia,
Joining the circus freak show as the crazy person in the cage who is crazier than Donald Trump,
Winning a life-time supply of opioids, which could shorten things considerably,
Climbing Mt. Everest naked,
Becoming the Pied Piper in the alleys and sewers of downtown Chicago,
Swimming the length of the Amazon River with “fish attractor” rubbed on your privates,
Dressing like Prince and parading around your neighborhood,
Dressing like Elvis and singing “Nothin’ But a Hound Dog” night and day on your front lawn,
Dressing like Fats Domino, singing Blueberry Hill while climbing Blueberry Hill.
Leaning on a piano dressed like Billie Holliday, singing like Bobby Darin, while actually being Kevin Spacey,
Spending all day in the bathtub singing “Splish Splash,”
Thinking you are Steve McQueen in Bullitt while driving slowly around your neighborhood in your Camry Hybrid getting better gas mileage than anyone else,
Dressing like Henri Marie de Toulouse-Lautrec, getting down on your knees, hobbling around Paris, and snuggling in the bosom of every woman you encounter,
Dressing like a dancer in the Folies Bergere and throwing your garter to Sean Spicer,
Giving a copy of the Ten Commandments to Southern Baptist Sarah Huckabee Sanders,
Giving Jefferson Beauregard Sessions an American flag to go with his Confederate flag,
Thinking you are Vincent Van Gogh by actually cutting off one of your ears,
Dressing like Kim Jong Un while singing the “Star-Spangled Banner” while standing in front of the White House,
Visiting the emergency room everyday for the rest of your life thus driving up the cost of insurance for everybody because you can’t get insurance anymore,

Adding your own remedy.

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