The Gods of High School Have Clay Feet

When I was a senior in high school an English teacher
told us that if we went to the University of Illinois
and turned in a paper in our freshman 101 English class
with a misspelled word, we would flunk the class.

I, a notoriously bad speller, stayed home and went
to junior college, where I had a very demanding teacher
for English 101, but he forgave me for my misspellings,
gave me encouragement and I went on to major in English
even though I couldn’t spell my way out of a paper bag
and kept the dictionary and Thesaurus closer than the

My teacher said that one day there would be an
internet and a thing called spell check and “all
will be well; all manner of things will be well.”
Actually, he didn’t say any of that, but things
did work out. The “all will be well; all manner
of things will be well” is a partial quote of
Julian of Norwich which my teacher would frown
at because he was an agnostic.

Another high school teacher said with the authority
of God, as did they all, that if we were “B” students
in high school, we would be “C” students in college.
Impressionable, I was living evidence of prophesy
fulfilled until I woke up and proved that teacher
100 percent wrong.

Moral: take the high school gods’ prophecies with a
grain of sult, er salt.

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