Southern Drawls and Dromedary Dates

As a seventeen-year resident of the
great Commonwealth of Kentucky,
the man who was raised in Northern
Illinois, loved a Southern accent, the

silky smooth, rich and sugary conson-
ants, the sweet, elongated vowels.
Whenever he heard it, he tasted honey
swirling on his tongue. While the accent

was not native to the upper Midwestern-
er, he practiced and practiced and got
to be pretty good and easily could switch
back and forth from that slow, drowsy

drawl to his native, clipped, nasally
accent, but now, his having listened
to the impeachment proceedings ad
nauseam, those once melodious tones

have turned into high-pitched shrieks
of sputtering ignorance and lies uttered
from the mouths of mainly old, fat, white
angry, Southern males. The man remem-

bers as a child having eaten two boxes
of sugary, sweet Dromedary dates. He
had loved Dromedary dates. To this day,
he can’t stomach the thought of consum-

ing another Dromedary date; besides,
all that sugar is a fooler; it tastes good
but it is poisonous to the health and
wellbeing of the body.

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