At a press conference to update
the public on the pandemic, the
Occupant called on CEOs of the
private sector to speak glowingly

and apparently to reassure
people that big business is
on board to keep the American
people safe. The VP then spoke

about how unbelievably fantastic
the Occupant’s leadership has
been and how far ahead of this
pandemic the Occupant has been,

is and will continue to be. And
after all of the VP’s unctuous
pomposity and total kiss-up, the
newly flattered Occupant con-

cluded with words of caution on
personal hygiene after he had
shaken the hands of almost all
of the corporate bigwigs brought

in to shore up an almost completely
disastrous response to the crisis.
At least he didn’t sneeze into his
little hands first.