Great Big Gobs

Great Big Gobs of Greasy Grimy Doggie Poop, 09/24/2011


Big, brown balls of dog poop crusting and darkening sit on the left edge of the hiking trail.


His dog heads for the woods deep and away from the trail, circles, hunches his haunches, strains and dumps his Great Big Gobs of Greasy Grimy Doggie Poop far away from the trail.


“What are we feeding him?” he asks out loud.  If, he reflects philosophically, he asks that question in the woods and he’s not there to hear it, does the… Oh, never mind.


What a good dog.


He stops, stops his stopwatch pulls out an environmentally friendly poop bag, opens it, slips it over his left hand, the hand that wipes poop away, that has always wiped poop away and got a bad name that way in a sinister sort of way, bends over and scoops up the big, brown, balls with the dark brown crust.


They are cold but soft under the crust.  It hasn’t been that long since the big dog and his big dumb master passed this way.


This is the second day in a row he has encountered the poop on the trail in relatively close proximity. That poop was on the right side of the trail, but still on the trail. Left or right, the dog is very regular, about a minute into a run and two into a walk.


He thinks to himself, maybe I’ll get here early tomorrow and wait for them to pass by and simply hand the dumb master an environmentally friendly, biodegradable poop bag.


“For shame, Big Dog’s Big Master.”


He spins the blue bag , ties a knot and drops it just off  the trail against the base of the trunk of a tree.


He marks the spot.


When he and his good dog are done with the run he will jog back to the poop bag, pick it up and carry it to the garbage can at the trail head, drop it and listen with satisfaction to the thud the bag makes when it hits bottom.




That should give him about two more minutes jogging time.


Satisfied, he ruminates on the fact that something good can come from somebody else’s dog’s great big gobs of greasy grimy doggie poop sitting unceremoniously on the edge of the trail, left side or right; it makes no difference.


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