Waiting for a clerk to figure

out how to exchange

a canister of CO2,

I stood aside while she told

me she didn’t have a clue

what to do,

so she called another clerk

and they stood there pondering

what to do

about exchanging the empty

canister but they would

surely find out

and then a woman in a really,

big hurry called the two

clerks out

saying it only took one to

wait on her so her business

she could go about.

She wanted to exchange a

piece of clothing she thought

she couldn’t live without

but it didn’t fit and she was

having a fit standing in line

waiting to check out.

One clerk quickly exited and

the other said she was

the only one on duty

and I was willing to let the

rude woman go first but

then she got snooty

and approached the counter

swishing and swaying

her booty.

So glibly and sarcastically, I said,

“Sorry things are so bad for

you at home.”

And about her mouth, I saw,

she was beginning

to foam.

Well, I couldn’t let go now as

she stated that she had a

wonderful family,

so I just remarked “Fiddle

dee dumb and fiddle dee

dee.

You’ve butted into line

just like you are

British royalty,

and demanded service while

reducing the clerk to

frailty,

so take a deep breath and

scratch whatever is that

irritating itch

and stop being such a pain

and that which starts with ‘B’

and rhymes with that itch.”

With a huff and a puff,

she charged out of the

store like Evel Knievel

and in parting words called

me a man of con-

summate evil.

“I’m sorry but that category

is Dick Cheney

reserved.”

With that retort her cold Re-

publican manner became

completely unnerved.

She could have saved

time and a lot of

frustration

by simply stepping back

and assessing the depart-

ment store situation

and courteously asking

if she could go first

and then flee

thus avoiding what seemed

like the first days of 

World War III.

But I did have to acknowledge

my own participation

in the sad situation.

I could have stood there

and simply observed,

with my mouth shut,

the swish and the sway

of one particularly

large Dutch butt.