Happy Now!

The nurse said he did as well as he did
because he is in such good shape. The
surgeon said, “Wait till tomorrow.”

Feeling his oats and no pain he insisted
on stopping for breakfast. Tomorrow
arrived and while the compliment was

a nice shot in the ego — words from his
past that he had a high pain threshold
just evaporated away. Now he just feels

like he’s been shot in the gut with Dirty
Harry’s magnum something or other. They
used to say the third day was the toughest,

but that was when they knocked you out
before just about having to slap you
upside the head and back to earth and

the anesthetic loved getting all cozy with
a warm body. Now you just about carry
on a conversation with the surgeon and

anesthesiologist about how hope springs
eternal in the spring for the Cubs, so it’s
the second day and the anesthetic is yes-

terday’s ball on Sheffield Ave. He’s read-
ing a mystery novel where the protagonist
takes a nine-millimeter to the groin, climbs

out on the wing of the plane, saves the day
and nine days later gets the bullet pulled
before climbing into bed with Miss Universe

and the first runner-up for an all night
ménage a trois. Yesterday, he had a teensy-
weensy umbilical hernia; today he feels

like he has a hole the size of his head
and he still has two hours to go before
he can take another pain pill having been

warned about the prescription pain medicine
abuse epidemic and how he better do exactly
as it says on the bottle or else. He just

hates it when surgeons have that diabolical
smirk on their face and you just know they
really want to say, “Go ahead. Make my day.”

Well, he guesses he did — the next day.
He would call the surgeon with “Happy Now!”
except that it’s Saturday.

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One thought on “Happy Now!

  1. Glad you are over it and recuperating. I am sure you are a pain-in-the-ass patient but they all love you anyway. Watch out for the “happy stuff” but there is good medical reason to not have pain….it interferes with healing. Be happy…..

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