He’s just doing what comes
naturally, but there aren’t any
bugs in our cedar front porch.
By now you probably get it —
yes, Woody Woodpecker has
decided to drive me to distraction
with his incessant tap, tap, tap
on my property, my front porch,
my home, my domicile. So, out
comes the wood putty and the
neighbor rides by on his bicycle
as I’m standing on the ladder and
quips, “Always knew you’d get
up in the world,” and I now have
a two-tone cedar front porch and
all because of you, Woody. And
so, it is a battle for survival bet-
ween you, Woody, and the front
porch. Really, I don’t want to hurt
you, which is a hollow threat be-
cause I don’t own a gun or bow
and arrow or even a sling shot,
besides undoubtedly, I would
further destroy the front porch,
so I’m just asking, before I run
out of wood putty and have to
run to the hardware store, if you
would please peck away at the
neighbor’s cedar siding instead
of mine, the neighbor who quipped
about my getting up in the world.