Tweet One: Time is running out.
Everyone knows it.
Many people have told me so.
The crowds have been enormous —
largest ever, so much bigger than
before — ever, seriously.
No one has ever drawn such big
Tweet Two: It’s documented. There are photos —
photos showing the enormous
response to what is happening.
Nothing like this has ever happened
before and I am so glad to be the
one who made it all the great success
that it is.
Tweet Three: Even the fake news
is honestly reporting it.
I want to thank my cabinet, the House and
Senate, the Special Prosecutor
and especially CNN and MSNBC, most notably
Rachel Maddow, Lawrence O’Donnell
and Joy Reid for cracker jack reporting —
outstanding, such very nice people,
really, honestly, believe me, I’m telling
Tweet Four: I’m so glad that this will all be
over soon and all those great, peaceful
demonstrators can go home for a while
before picking up a new and equally
and I’m not the only one.
Tweet Five: All my children
have hated this and
after my prison sentence, which is
truly warranted, I will go to a Roman
Catholic seminary become celibate (as
vociferously demanded by my wonderful
Tweet Six: and devote the remainder
of my days to non-violent resistance
and promotion of peace, justice,
Jesus’ message of inclusivity
and to helping save the planet
from global warming.
Tweet Seven: I have it from
very reliable sources that
Vladimir Putin has become
a Russian Orthodox priest.
Good luck, Vladie!
Tweet Eight: I love you, Barack.
Tweet Nine: I’m giving all my money
to the Southern Poverty Law Center.
Tweet Ten: Lastly, I’m
giving up Tweeting for Lent
as part of the plea bargaining.