Chipper Advice

The man and his wife sat in the car
reading the signs in the window —

chipper advice, the up, up and away
kind — “I rise in the morning and

embrace Jesus,” “Life is full of
wonderful surprises,” “Love is

the only law in this house,” “Sweet
meals, sweet smiles, sweet children,

sweet, sweet Lord of All,” “As for
me and my house, we will serve

the Lord,” “Salt water taffy, the sea
and Thee,” “The Be-Happy Attitudes,”

clearly a borrow from Robert Schuller’s
now defunct Power of Possibility Thinking

take on the Beatitudes, and on and on
and on. They looked at each other and

grimaced. He approached the counter
and heard the owner cheerfully say

to the customer, “Best wishes with
that thing about your grandchild.

We have a grandchild who had so many
things wrong with her that when

we heard she was going to live but
be paralyzed we erupted in laughter.”

He erupted in laughter, “Yup, she’s
completely paralyzed.” He continued

to chuckle as the perplexed woman
backed away. The man just stood

there pushing his purchases forward,
muttering to himself, “Sweet Jesus.”

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