A Christmas Story, 2019

It was Christmas day in Gulf
Shores, and the man stopped
in a store to buy some Christmas
cheer. The clerk’s name was Chris

and he told her that his wife’s
name also is Chris and that this
is her birthday. Chris, the clerk,
exclaimed, “A Christmas baby.”

And the man said, “The poor
girl has been robbed of a birth-
day. How can you compete with
Jesus for a birthday?” Chris

laughed and the two spoke of
Christmases past and Christmases
on their own away from family
and both agreed that was really

good because it frees children
from hard decisions about whom
to visit. They spoke of unloving
mothers who kept trying to be

filled spiritually by taking
things in from the outside —
accumulating things, stuff
and how it never, ever work-

ed and it left them empty,
bitter people. He said it is
a spiritual matter. She said
she was very spiritual. They

agreed that the spiritual life
comes from within and is all
about giving from inside out.
As he left the shop with his

bottle of holiday spirits, he
said, “Keep that spirit alive and
keep giving.” And then she did
that exact thing. “Merry Christ-

mas to you and happy birthday
to Chris. Please tell her.” “Will
do. Thanks and Happy Holy
Days.”

Happy Holy Days

I have always said “Merry Christmas,” and still do,
but I don’t get the new ha, ha, brew
that you can’t say “Happy Holidays,” instead or too.
It’s good to be inclusive,
Carl Sandburg once said the ugliest
word in English is exclusive,
so let’s recall that the origin of “holiday”
is “holy day” and wish Happy Holidays or Holy Days
of Christmas, Hanukkah, Ramadan (in the spring),
Kwanzaa, and Winter Solstice
to Christians, Jews, Muslims, African Americans
and Pagans, too.

Hallelujah, Happy Holidays!

Myth has it that family Christmas
celebrations are as smooth, relaxing
and enjoyable as Bourbon laced eggnog,

but he knows that family holiday cele-
brations are more like National Lam-
poon’s Christmas and that is why he

and his wife celebrate birthdays and
major holidays all on a non-holiday
weekend, every other year with the

whole famdamily, so everyone can
go wherever they want and celebrate
with whomever they want on holidays

and not worry about offending anyone
in the family. Hallelujah, hallelujah,
hallelujah!!! Amen.

Poems and Puns #12 Christmas Caroling and Halloween

The woman’s junior high daughter came
home from church crying. The woman asked
her daughter what was wrong. The daughter

really wanted to go caroling with the
senior high school church school class,
but the junior high students weren’t in-

vited. Wanting her daughter to feel better,
she said, “Darling, don’t feel so bad.
There have been other junior high students

who didn’t get to do what the senior
high students did.” And with that, she
told her daughter the following pun:

Every fall around Halloween, the senior
high youth group from Froggie Presbyterian
Church went on a horseback ride. The Junior

high frogs couldn’t go because they couldn’t
jump high enough to get on the horses.
So they practiced and practiced jumping.

You might say that every fall they hop
for dapples. And with that, her daughter
groaned and turned to her I-Phone.

Our Fragile Democracy

Karl Marx, who spent his life studying the subject, observed
that history repeats itself, the first time as tragedy, the
second time as farce. This topsy-turvy election year makes
one wonder whether he might have gotten that backwards. We’ve
had farce, that much is certain. What will the next time bring?
The Prophecies of Jane Jacobs, Nathaniel Rich

We certainly have had unprecedented farce
From the guy in white golf shorts with a big arse.
What will be our best strategy
If history brings us to the brink of tragedy?
We have the vote to save our democracy
From this assault on our fragility.

Snow Birds’ Communion at the Local Bar

We see them at the bar
they have no idea who we are
and they couldn’t care less.
About themselves, they just want to tell us,
and the next time we see them
they won’t know us from Eve or Adam.
No interest in asking us about us
but we just go along not making a fuss.
We will continue to do what we ought
And that is to ask them about themselves —
a common courtesy we were taught.

Are We Having Fun, Yet?

Guns, guns, guns,
are we having fun?
All we see
on T.V
are guns, guns, guns.
Guns, guns, guns —
are we having fun?
All we see
out of Hollywood
are guns, guns, guns.
Guns, guns, guns —
are we having fun?
Millions watch T.V.;
millions watch movies.
Guns, guns, guns —
are we having fun?
Just ask Sandy Hook,
for one.

Spirit is the Essence

It has been said
you can kill the body
and then that body is dead,
but you can’t kill the spirit —
spirit lives instead
and, at some future date,
spirit (the essence of it all)
will re-incarnate.
The man asked, “When I rise
will I look like me?”
The sage said, “You will look
like life, and that is as
it was, is and will be —
the great mystery.”

Standing Strong

He watched G.K. Chesterton’s priest
and was humbled by a true priest for
peace who kept intercepting violence

from the police and criminals and never
lost sight of his goal of serving Jesus
and even though this was a fictional

program it humbled him because he
knows he hasn’t met the standard and
while he repents, he also is embolden-

ed to keep the faith and is humbled in
the thought that he and his wife joined
a witness for peace at a very busy inter-

section and afterward he thought that
they, very well, in this hyper-violent
society, might, very well, have been

mowed down by a drive-by shooter and
it alarmed him and he talked with his
wife about it and they decided that a

threat would not keep them from stand-
ing strong for peace and he was humbled
by his wife’s courage and dedication.